'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties, had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales, there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store, less a walk than a lumber
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces, and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No, thank you, please."
As I dressed myself, in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again, to do battle with dirt,
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can spend winter disguised as a man!"
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew, a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot, and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore-
But isn't that what January's for?
Unable to giggle no longer a riot
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet.
-h2o sermon source
